So in a really weird twist the Global Powers That Be (lizard people, maybe?) decided that an appropriate place for a NATO summit was bloody South Wales. And not just anywhere in South Wales. Newport. They had a look round and decided that a small ex-industrial city with such poor road network infrastructure that the entire thing gridlocks twice a day like Pompei on Volcano Day was SIMPLY THE PERFECT PLACE, and so now they’ve built several dozen miles of steel walls along the roads and closed down the fucking M4.
WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.
However, we are now in the bemusing position of all the world’s leaders turning up in Newport, and I need to go home this weekend for Family Reasons, so does anyone have any particular world leader they’d like me to throw an egg at, give a cursed lovespoon to, that sort of thing?
Wales is the perfect place for a NATO summit because most people don’t believe Wales actually exists. It’s some magical faery place that normal people can’t get into, so most of them won’t try. It’s like Hogwarts. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you can’t see it.
Perfectly secure. Except, you know, for all the people who actually live there. So they put up the steel walls and close the M4.
I wouldn’t want you to risk getting shot for egging any world leaders, and I don’t particularly hate the current POTUS, so I have no requests. You, however, might have some Views concerning your own PM, in which case I fully encourage you and will deny knowing anything about it if they question me later. I will say you were on Tumblr and so couldn’t possibly have been at the summit handing out cursed lovespoons.
Hmmm…that got me thinking….could you curse a lovespoon so that whoever touched it could speak nothing but Welsh for a certain amount of time? Ooo, I want a story about that now.