wait wait wait mutuals rb this with a description of ur voice
Apparently the entirety of UK air traffic control melted or something yesterday, so the flight schedule is now Dramatically Fucked. This is a problem because it affects me personally - the most important person. I am therefore currently languishing in Edinburgh Airport.
Fun things!
- My flight back to Bristol is supposed to be at 9pm
- The easyJet app says it will now be at 10.54 - an almost-two-hour delay
- If it were two hours or more, they would have to give us a £3 voucher for snacks
- Given airport prices that would get us a bag of crisps to share
- HOWEVER
- The airport screens are claiming that our estimated flight time is midnight, with the gate not due to be announced until 11pm
- WhereIsMyVoucher.jpeg
- We cannot find a help desk to advise/provide vouchers
- Steff has made a TikTok about this and he stole my crisps joke and my comedic genius is uncredited
In conclusion, please keep me and my terrible ordeal in your thoughts and prayers, there's nowhere cwtchy and I'm growing bored
I am so sorry Elanor. I know the pain! Aviation technology has been struggling to keep up with actual aviation for a while. Yes, we have an app that will wipe the pilot’s ass, but air traffic controllers still pass cute little strips of paper to each other up in the tower to keep track of all the planes.
because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
Excuse me I have to go and lie face down on the floor now.
Terminal 1 now features a petting zoo area, where guests may directly interact with a real Boeing 737-200.
hey can we pet something that isn't fugly next?
Security! That one over there.
Great. Now you’ve made the plane cry. Do you have any idea how hard it is to calm an upset 737?
Still feels weird that the same band made "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"
It's like if Smash Mouth and Fall Out Boy were one band.
The Offspring are honestly a contender for the funniest punk band ever, made even funnier by the fact that Dexter Holland is pushing 60 now and has a PhD in virology.
Like imagine being on an academic committee and reviewing a dissertation on HIV protein-encoding genomes and it's from a guy with frosted tips whose greatest legacy is the Crazy Taxi soundtrack.
That's the Offspring.
SO MANY THINGS CAN BE STORED IN THE BELLY OF A PLANE. JET FUEL. LUGGAGE. LITHIUM BATTERIES. A LARGE AMOUNT OF FRESH FLOWERS. LOVE EVEN
SORRY BABYGIRL THIS IS PARTIALLY FALSE IN COMMERCIAL PLANES THE FUEL TANKS ARE IN THE WINGS AND STORAGE OF FUEL IS PROHIBITED IN THE CARGO BAY I LOVE YOU STILL THO
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY PUT FUEL TANKS
POP QUIZ WHICH OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED MATERIALS ARE ACTUALLY NOT ALLOWED IN THE BELLY OF A COMMERCIAL FLIGHT?
A) flowers (gives the plane allergies)
B) luggage (heavy :( can strain the plane)
C) lithium batteries (too spicy, can irritate the stomach)
D) jet fuel (hazardous material)
E) love (transportation of philosophical concepts of emotions by air freight is prohibited in the EU, United States, and in the majority of commonwealth countries )
The answer is C, lithium batteries are far too spicy for the stomach of a commercial aircraft. That being said, have you ever seen a 737 sneeze jet fuel all over the taxiway? It’s not a pretty sight.
Due to high demand we are opening a fifth starbucks in termínal 1
Can we have A Starbucks in terminal 1? They took all of ours away.
edandstede
